Why I Love Cheap Plonk

Yep, I love cheap wine. Now when I say cheap I have to point out that I’m not talking about Lambrini, even I couldn’t drink something that tastes like cat piss! No, I’m talking about Lambrusco and yes, I’m aware it sounds similar but the big difference is that Lambrusco actually tastes nice. There are white, red and rosé versions and they all have a lovely sweet taste which is just what I’m looking for. They usually cost less than £3 and are low alcohol which means it’s perfectly acceptable to have a glass while the kids are around, that’s just a Brucie bonus in my eyes.

I’m also partial to a nice bottle of Martini Asti (not a whole bottle all at once mind you) but this is at the top end of my budget and has a higher alcohol volume. Depending where you shop these sparkling little lovelies can cost anything up to £7.50.

I’m not ashamed to admit that when I’m shopping for booze I will always go for the cheap stuff and here’s why…

1. We’re broke. Well not actually broke as in bankrupt but we don’t have as much money as we’d like. I guess that’s what happens when you breed like sodding rabbits and have a billion kids to look after. Anyway, spending money on alcohol isn’t a priority so cheap stuff suits our budget.

2. Expensive drink becomes too precious. This actually happened with a bottle of expensive champagne that Bear bought me for Christmas 2015. I didn’t want to waste the ‘good stuff’ so I was saving it for a special occasion. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant with Thing 4 so that bottle of champagne sat there teasing me until Christmas 2016. By that point it had become like a frigging religious icon, I was actually scared to open it!

I finally popped that cork and poured myself a glass, took a couple of sips then realised there was a stream of bubbles coming up from something at the bottom of the glass. It was only a sodding midgey fly in my expensive champagne. So what the hell should I do, I’d waited a whole bloody year for that drink and it was really expensive so I didn’t want to throw it away. Oh the dilemma.

I drank it. I fished the bugger out and drank the fly champagne. Not my finest moment but there was no way I was wasting that drink.

My point here is that I wouldn’t have had that issue if it had been a bottle of cheap plonk, the drink would’ve been thrown out no questions asked.

So unless you’re loaded (in which case, do you wanna be my friend 😉) always stick to cheap plonk, it’s much safer.


Too Easy To Takeaway

If you’re 1 of my 48 followers on Twitter you might have seen that the bloody winter illnesses have been doing the rounds in our house.

During this fandabbydozy time we went through boxes of tissues like they were going out of fashion, coughing up god knows what and neglecting the housework so it looked like we were living in an actual pigsty.

As a poorly mum I still had to look after 2 kids under the age of 3 (who were also feeling shitty) while simultaneously trying to make sure the older 2 (again feeling shitty) had everything they needed for school/their social lives. Keeping them fed and watered was also important and this is why the takeaway became my saviour.

My already lard-arse body is now several lbs heavier thanks to the easiness of being able to click a few buttons on the computer and order our food to be delivered (mostly hot) ready to eat.

Since when did it become so sodding easy though?? I didn’t even have to pick up the phone and try to explain the complicated needs of my incredibly fussy kids. There were no language barriers or confusion when I had to order a quarter pounder with cheese without cheese. Just clickety click click and the food was being prepared while I sat on my fat arse cuddling Thing 4 and watching CBBC with Thing 2 & 3. Being a typical teenager, Thing 1 doesn’t leave his pit until the food is actually ready to shove in his gob. God forbid he spend some time with his family. *Rolls eyes*

The hardest part of the whole experience was having to get up and answer the door!

Now I’m feeling better we’re getting back to normal but I have a feeling I might find myself “accidently” clicking on those buttons again soon. It’s far too easy not to.

A Pizza With No Cheese

So today Bear was ordering us a pizza from Domino’s and he somehow managed to order it with no cheese! I mean seriously, who would even want a pizza with no cheese. That’s like having a burger with no burger. Fish and chips with no fish etc etc.

I reckon the pizza making people must’ve had a right giggle at the spanner who ordered a pizza with no cheese. I know I’ve been laughing about it all day, especially as I keep picturing his face when he opened the box and said “where the fuck’s me cheese” 😂.

It’s not the first time he’s buggered up a Domino’s order either. He once ordered it with extra BBQ sauce and there was so much sauce that all the toppings slipped straight off as soon as we picked up a slice. By the time we’d finished, the pizza box was just one big mass of sauce and toppings. Very appealing, not!

Watch this space because these kind of things are the norm in our crazy world.

Heaven on a Plate

Up until a few months ago I was a Sprinkles Gelato virgin. I know. Where have I been living, in a cave or something? Nope. The fact is I’m quite a stubborn old witch so when I saw everyone else raving about how amazing it was and posting their stupid sodding photos of their Sprinkles goodies I generally took the piss a bit and vowed never to go there.

That was until I did. And Oh. My. God!

What can I say, I’m totally converted and will happily take the kids there whenever my bank balance allows it (which isn’t very often but I’ll take what I can get). I even, now here’s a major confession from me, took the obligatory ‘look what I’m eating’ photo. *Hangs head in shame*

As soon as you walk through the doors you’re hit with the sweetest, most lovely smell. I know I look like a right muppet walking along, nose in the air sniffing in all the yumminess. But do ya know what? I don’t care. I’m there for the experience and that’s just what I’m gonna get!

The menu is huuuge, I’m always tempted to ask for 1 of everything on the menu but even my lard-arse body couldn’t take that much goodness all at once. My fave is the warm cookie dough with ice cream and strawberries which absolutely count as 1 of my 5 a day right? I love the combination of cold ice cream with warm cookie, it’s simply heaven on a plate 😋.

It’s ok to dribble while you’re writing a blog post isn’t it?