Too Easy To Takeaway

If you’re 1 of my 48 followers on Twitter you might have seen that the bloody winter illnesses have been doing the rounds in our house.

During this fandabbydozy time we went through boxes of tissues like they were going out of fashion, coughing up god knows what and neglecting the housework so it looked like we were living in an actual pigsty.

As a poorly mum I still had to look after 2 kids under the age of 3 (who were also feeling shitty) while simultaneously trying to make sure the older 2 (again feeling shitty) had everything they needed for school/their social lives. Keeping them fed and watered was also important and this is why the takeaway became my saviour.

My already lard-arse body is now several lbs heavier thanks to the easiness of being able to click a few buttons on the computer and order our food to be delivered (mostly hot) ready to eat.

Since when did it become so sodding easy though?? I didn’t even have to pick up the phone and try to explain the complicated needs of my incredibly fussy kids. There were no language barriers or confusion when I had to order a quarter pounder with cheese without cheese. Just clickety click click and the food was being prepared while I sat on my fat arse cuddling Thing 4 and watching CBBC with Thing 2 & 3. Being a typical teenager, Thing 1 doesn’t leave his pit until the food is actually ready to shove in his gob. God forbid he spend some time with his family. *Rolls eyes*

The hardest part of the whole experience was having to get up and answer the door!

Now I’m feeling better we’re getting back to normal but I have a feeling I might find myself “accidently” clicking on those buttons again soon. It’s far too easy not to.


A Pizza With No Cheese

So today Bear was ordering us a pizza from Domino’s and he somehow managed to order it with no cheese! I mean seriously, who would even want a pizza with no cheese. That’s like having a burger with no burger. Fish and chips with no fish etc etc.

I reckon the pizza making people must’ve had a right giggle at the spanner who ordered a pizza with no cheese. I know I’ve been laughing about it all day, especially as I keep picturing his face when he opened the box and said “where the fuck’s me cheese” 😂.

It’s not the first time he’s buggered up a Domino’s order either. He once ordered it with extra BBQ sauce and there was so much sauce that all the toppings slipped straight off as soon as we picked up a slice. By the time we’d finished, the pizza box was just one big mass of sauce and toppings. Very appealing, not!

Watch this space because these kind of things are the norm in our crazy world.

Why I Quit Facebook

I know, I know, it’s shocking isn’t it. I’m. Not. On. Facebook!

You should seriously see the look on people’s faces when they start talking about some kind of crap they’ve seen on Facebook and I turn round and say ‘I’m not on Facebook any more’. You would think I’d just dropped my thong and peed right there in front of them.

I quit Facebook about 3 years ago for a few reasons.

One, I was fed up with having to see photos of people’s sodding dinner. I mean really? Who actually cares? A plate of food is a plate of food in my eyes. I’m not impressed, envious or in the slightest bit interested in the food you’re eating. It’s boring. Stop it!

Two, I couldn’t stand the demands of Facebook etiquette. No I don’t like the photo of your “fab” trip to the most boring place in the world or your 1000th selfie of the day so why the chuff should I actually click the ‘like’ button? It’s not gonna happen, you are not the boss of me so there’s absolutely no point in running to my loved ones complaining that I never liked your ‘piccie’. Get over it.

Three, knowledge isn’t always power. When I see someone I know in the street I want to be able to genuinely ask how they are and look forward to hearing the answer. When you’re on Facebook and this happens you actually have nothing new to hear from anyone because you already know all there is to know, and more! Be a little bit mysterious people.

Four, and this is one of the main things that sent me packing, people who have the most loving, fabulous and perfect relationship there ever was. For the 20th time that year. You know, the ones who declare their undying love for their partner of the moment, slag them off when their 2 minute relationship ends and an hour later is totes loved up with the next mug person.

Quitting Facebook was a pukka move on my part, I don’t miss it at all. I have Twitter now and I think I’m in love.