Why do Men Not Listen?

For my birthday this year I compiled a small list to help guide Bear in the right direction. When I say small, I actually mean tiny. 3 things to be exact.

  1. My fave chocolates from ‘Chocolates For Chocoholics’. If you’ve never tried or heard of them, you really should, they’re the dogs nuts. Google them, google them now people!
  2. An Amazon voucher to feed my book/e-book habit.
  3. Socks because I literally only had like 3 chuffing pairs.

Not an unreasonable list, right?

So what did he get me?

  1. A pack of vanilla votive candles from George at Asda which smelled yummy so no issues there.
  2. A bottle of ‘Glow’ by J Lo. Hmm what the actual…

‘Glow’ smelled like soap, and cheap soap at that. Within minutes of spraying a small amount on my pulse points I was coughing and spluttering. I actually felt the need to rip my own throat out just to get rid of the overpowering smell. ‘Glow’. Does. Not. Smell. Good.

On the plus side I received some lovely gifts from other family members but I couldn’t help but feel slightly pissed off that once again (this isn’t the first time it’s happened) Bear didn’t listen.

Before you say that I shouldn’t be so ungrateful, I do appreciate the gesture. He wasn’t to know how shit ‘Glow’ would smell and it was in a beautiful bottle, I’ll give him that. Maybe I should just put it on the shelf and look at it. But it’s that disappointment isn’t it. No one should feel disappointed on their birthday. I bet sodding J Lo doesn’t!

I nearly died just a couple of months earlier giving birth to his fourth child, I should’ve been dripping in diamonds by this point not suffocating in a cloud of effing soap – I don’t actually expect diamonds but you catch my drift, right?

Oh well there’s always Christmas to look forward to. Help me pray that Bear finally listens, oh and some socks would be nice too.

It’s a good job he’s pretty!

Why I Quit Facebook

I know, I know, it’s shocking isn’t it. I’m. Not. On. Facebook!

You should seriously see the look on people’s faces when they start talking about some kind of crap they’ve seen on Facebook and I turn round and say ‘I’m not on Facebook any more’. You would think I’d just dropped my thong and peed right there in front of them.

I quit Facebook about 3 years ago for a few reasons.

One, I was fed up with having to see photos of people’s sodding dinner. I mean really? Who actually cares? A plate of food is a plate of food in my eyes. I’m not impressed, envious or in the slightest bit interested in the food you’re eating. It’s boring. Stop it!

Two, I couldn’t stand the demands of Facebook etiquette. No I don’t like the photo of your “fab” trip to the most boring place in the world or your 1000th selfie of the day so why the chuff should I actually click the ‘like’ button? It’s not gonna happen, you are not the boss of me so there’s absolutely no point in running to my loved ones complaining that I never liked your ‘piccie’. Get over it.

Three, knowledge isn’t always power. When I see someone I know in the street I want to be able to genuinely ask how they are and look forward to hearing the answer. When you’re on Facebook and this happens you actually have nothing new to hear from anyone because you already know all there is to know, and more! Be a little bit mysterious people.

Four, and this is one of the main things that sent me packing, people who have the most loving, fabulous and perfect relationship there ever was. For the 20th time that year. You know, the ones who declare their undying love for their partner of the moment, slag them off when their 2 minute relationship ends and an hour later is totes loved up with the next mug person.

Quitting Facebook was a pukka move on my part, I don’t miss it at all. I have Twitter now and I think I’m in love.